If Only

21 Jul

If only is really not my friend tonight.

If only I had decided to worm goats last week instead of having it on my agenda for next week…

If only I had noticed Pixie wasn’t feeling well sooner…



If only I hadn’t cut their supplemental bottles down…

If only I’d known how little they were getting from their mom…



If only the weather had been better to let the pasture be better quality…

If only the kids had gone to pasture with their moms…



If only I’d made Pixie and Red full bottle kids when Miles refused to take one…

If only I had taken Pixie to Iowa State the day before…



If only after perking up and doing well she hadn’t crashed…

If only the vets could have brought her back…

If only we didn’t have an excessive heat warning…



If only my air conditioner hadn’t quit yesterday…

If only I could have brought Miles into a cool place sooner…



If only my vets could have performed a miracle…

If only we could have kidded in March…



If only I didn’t have to make farm decisions on my work schedule…

I’ve lost both Miles and Pixie.  I had to do an emergency weaning of all the moms we’ve been helping feed kids because they are all completely anemic, open-mouthed panting, and a couple have bottle jaw.  I’m hoping we can make it through the next couple days of excessive heat.

I promise tomorrow’s post for Friday’s Hunt will be happy.  I’d love for you to join me.


35 Responses to “If Only”

  1. brokenbarn July 21, 2016 at 10:54 pm #

    I am so sorry for your rough time. It just never gets easier.

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:46 pm #

      It doesn’t. Thank you.

  2. Jeanne July 21, 2016 at 11:00 pm #

    Oh Teresa! If only I could make it better! I’m so sorry! They were such sweet babies.

  3. brokenteepee July 21, 2016 at 11:03 pm #

    I am so very sorry. I wish I could give you a hug

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:46 pm #

      I appreciate the thought.

  4. Suzanne Gunter McClendon July 22, 2016 at 1:10 am #

    I wish that I could give you a hug, too. This post made me cry. I can only imagine the hurt you’re feeling right now. {{{Hugs}}} All of you, your family, and the other babies and mamas are in my prayers.

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:46 pm #

      Thank you so much.

      • Suzanne Gunter McClendon July 23, 2016 at 5:49 pm #

        You’re welcome, Teresa. How are you doing?

      • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:55 pm #

        I’m ready for a new week, but I’m okay.

      • Suzanne Gunter McClendon July 23, 2016 at 5:57 pm #

        I understand the feeling. May next week be a better week all around.

  5. erika July 22, 2016 at 2:13 am #

    Teresa, so very sorry about all your going through.

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:47 pm #

      Thank you, Erika. It will get better.

  6. Dave From Philadelphia July 22, 2016 at 3:43 am #

    Sorry for these losses Theresa. Odd how much this is touching me … May you find focus and new energy on your remaining kids and goats. Good luck with the heat.

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:47 pm #

      Thank you. It’s really amazing how much we get to care about our on-line community.

  7. Muriel Gillespie Bryant July 22, 2016 at 7:03 am #

    Thoughts with you- hope this weather does break soon. And hope the sadness gets easier and you dont lose any more!

  8. PauMau / Pauliina July 22, 2016 at 7:03 am #

    I’m so sorry for your loss!

  9. Gayle July 22, 2016 at 8:14 am #

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I know what each of them means to you. Take Care.

  10. vem030956 July 22, 2016 at 9:02 am #

    So sorry for your loss Teresa. Prayers are with you to carry through the next few days and that all will pull through. Hugs and best wishes to you and your family and all the goats.

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:48 pm #

      Thank you so much.

  11. WolfSong July 22, 2016 at 9:44 am #

    I’m sorry Teresa. Hugs to you.
    Sending much love and energy for the Kids to get through the next days of too much heat and to thrive beyond that. ❤

  12. Claire Moxon-Waltz July 22, 2016 at 1:40 pm #

    This reminds me in a very tangible way about the realities of farm life. Sometimes I miss the baby snuggling and the joys of watching kids, but there is another side to that life that is not always so joyful. Having animals is such a mix of delight, heartbreak, fascination and frustration. Sometimes I think it’s best that I’ve only got a small piece of land here and that my gang of four will be all there is.

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:49 pm #

      It certainly is a roller coaster. Most days it’s wonderful and I love it, but days like this are the worst.

  13. Pat July 22, 2016 at 5:36 pm #

    So sorry to hear this sad news, Teresa. The excessive heat has been hard on so many, bothpeople and animals.

    • Teresa July 23, 2016 at 5:50 pm #

      Thank you, Pat. It really has been a rough summer for the girls trying to raise babies.

  14. Pondside July 23, 2016 at 10:18 pm #

    I’m so sorry to read this, Teresa. I know how you fight for those little ones.

    • Teresa July 24, 2016 at 9:37 am #

      There are few things I can say I truly hate in this world. Parasites (round worms) is one.

  15. janicead July 24, 2016 at 6:12 pm #

    If only is a dangerous world to be in and keep a positive outlook on life.

    • Teresa July 24, 2016 at 6:24 pm #

      Yes, it is. Luckily, I don’t go there often. It’s hard to avoid sometimes though.

  16. pattisj July 25, 2016 at 12:53 am #

    Things can go wrong so quickly. It’s hard to know what’s going on sometimes. You have to do what you have to do job-wise. Sorry for the loss of Pixie and Miles. Hopefully, weather will stabilize and everyone can get better. Hugs!

  17. PC PHOTO July 25, 2016 at 1:48 pm #

    The sad side of what you do 😢 so sorry your vet couldn’t bring them through. Our hindsight is perfect in our imperfect world. Hopefully better days are ahead of you now.

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